10 Ways To Prepare For A Great Day At Work

1. Laughter

Make it a point to share (appropriate) jokes with your colleagues or watch a funny video clip every once in a while, as laughter helps us to ease tension. By having a cheerful environment in the workplace, it enables you to have a great day at work.

2. Clothing

Classy and formal clothes will help to boost the confidence in you. When you look nice and neat, you tend to feel good about yourself and become confident in whatever you are doing, including talking to other people.

3. Think positive

Tell yourself that today is going to be a great day and don’t let anything stop you. Whenever something that you dislike occurs, always try to look at the bright side. For example, “things may get worse if it’s not for this” or “there is always a reason for everything.” You can also give an excuse to yourself - for example, if on the way to work, someone tries to cut into your lane, instead of getting mad, just tell yourself “maybe he is in a rush because his wife is in labour” or “maybe she needs to go to the toilet.”

4. Sleep

“Early to bed, early to rise, makes you healthy, wealthy and wise.” Always make sure you have enough sleep of at least seven to eight hours a day, to help you stay fresh and awake for longer. Not having enough sleep can affect your mood and brain. Thus, we may not function well when we are at work.

5. Exercise

Wake up 30 minutes earlier and do a short exercise before getting ready to go to work. Exercising helps our mind and body get ready for a long day at work as our muscles will start warming up and we are able to release the tension from within us.

6. Planning

Always plan ahead. Prepare your own list one day before the actual day, and list down all the things that you have to complete within the day. This is to prevent you from forgetting any important tasks that you need to do.

7. Time management

When things are not organised, you will tend to get stressed with loads of work. Plan and set a time limit to complete what you need to do at work.

8. Encouraging quotes

Having quotes pasted up on the wall in your workplace can encourage you to have a better day at work. Quotes like, “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it’s all within yourself, in your own way of thinking,” “All is well” or “Life knocks us down but we can choose whether or not to get back up” can really make a difference.

9. Praise yourself

Look in the mirror before you go to work every once in a while. Don’t be shy to praise yourself by telling yourself how good looking you are today or telling yourself that your hair looks wonderful. However, do not over exaggerate and be too proud of yourself, because people do not like individuals who are narcissistic!

10. Breakfast

As the saying goes, “eat breakfast like a king”. Having a healthy breakfast helps to jump start your day as it prepares your body and mind for a busy day at work. Having a nice meal for breakfast can brighten up your day. This is because things that you do and eat first thing in the morning can affect your mood.

Source : MYSTARJOB

40 Tips For Happy Life

1. Walk for 10-30 minutes every day.
2. Sit in silence for at least 40 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 8 hours. (Prefer to sleep from 10Pm to 5Am)
4. All ways be Energetic, Show enthusiasm and Empathy.
5. Play Your Favorite games.
6. Read good books.
7. Take time to practice Meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & with Children’s.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least two people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious time and energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner or friends with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Always try to Smile and laugh more.
19.. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others, try to love others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. don’t try to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.
24. You are incharge of your happiness; no one takes the charge
25. Always try to forgive everyone for everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. God is Supreme, GOD heals everything.
28. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
29. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
30. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
31. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
32. Think always The best is yet to come.
33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
34. Do the right thing every day.
35. Call your family often.
36. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
37. Each day give something good to others.
38. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.>>they will hepi too :)

Secrets Of Everlasting Marriage (What He Needs , What She Needs)

The Primary Love Needs of Women and Men.

Women need to receive :
1. Caring
2. Understanding
3. Respect
4. Devotion
5. Validation.
6. Reassurance

Men need to receive :
1. Trust
2.Acceptance
3. Appreciation
4. Admiration
5. Approval
6. Encouragement

1. She Needs CARING and He Needs TRUST

When a man shows interest in a woman's feelings and heartfelt concern for her well-being, she feels loved and cared for. When he makes her feel special in this caring way, he succeeds in fulfilling her first primary need. Naturally, she begins to trust him more.When she trusts, she becomes more open and receptive.

When a woman's attitude is open and receptive toward a man, he feels trusted. To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his partner. When a woman's reactions reveal a positive belief in her man's abilities and intentions, his first primary love need is fulfilled. Automatically he is more caring and attentive to her feelings and needs.

2. She Needs UNDERSTANDING and He Needs ACCEPTANCE

When a man listens without judgement but with empathy and relatedness to a woman express her feelings, she feels heard and understood. An understanding attitude doesn't presume to already know a person's thoughts or feelings; instead, it gathers meaning from what is heard, and moves toward validating what is being communicated. The more a woman's need to be heard and understood is fulfilled, the easier it is for her to give her man the acceptance he needs.

When a woman lovingly receives a man without trying to change him, he feels accepted. An accepting attitude does not reject but affirms that he is being favorable received. It does not mean the woman believes he is perfect but indicates that she is not trying to improve him, that she trusts him to make his own improvements. When a man feels accepted, it is much easier for him to listen and give her the understanding she needs and deserves.

3. She Needs RESPECT and He Needs APPRECIATION

When a man responds to a woman in a way that acknowledges and prioritizes her rights, wishes, and needs, she feels respected. When his behavior takes into consideration her thoughts and feelings, she is sure to feel respected. Concrete and physical expression of respect, like flowers and remembering anniversaries, are essential to fulfill a woman's third primary love need. When she feels respected it is much easier for her to give her man the appreciation than he deserves.

When a woman acknowledges having received personal benefit and value from a man's efforts and behavior, he feels appreciated. Appreciation is the natural reaction to being supported. When a man is appreciated he knows his effort is not wasted and is thus encouraged to give more. When a man is appreciated he is automatically empowered and motivated to respect his partner more.

4. She Needs DEVOTION and He Needs ADMIRATION

When a man gives priority to a woman's needs and proudly commits himself to supporting and fulfilling her, her fourth primary love need is fulfilled. A woman thrives when she feels adored and special. A man fulfills her need to be loved in this way when he makes her feelings and needs more important than his other interests -- like work, study, and recreation. When a woman feels that she is number one in his life then, quite easily, she admires him.

Just as a woman needs to feel a man's devotion, a man has a primary need to feel a woman's admiration. To admire a man is to regard him with wonder, delight, and pleased approval. A man feels admired when she is happily amazed by his unique characteristics or talents, which may include humor, strength, persistence, integrity, honesty, romance, kindness, love, understanding, and other so-called old-fashioned virtues. When a man feels admired, he feels secure enough to devote himself to his woman and adore her.

5. She Needs VALIDATION and He Needs APPROVAL

When a man does not object to or argue with a woman's feelings and wants but instead accepts and confirms their validity, a woman truly feels loved because her fifth primary needs is fulfilled. A man's validating attitude confirms a woman's right to feel the way she does. ( It is important to remember one can validate her point of view while having a different point of view.) When a man learns how to let a woman know that he has this validating attitude, he is assured of getting the approval that he primarily needs.

Deep inside, every man wants to be his woman's hero or knight in shining armor. The signal that he has passed her tests is her approval. A woman's approving attitude acknowledges the goodness in a man and expresses overall satisfaction with him. ( Remember, giving approval to a man doesn't always mean agreeing with him.) An approving attitude recognizes or looks for the good reasons behind what he does. When he receives the approval he needs, it becomes easier for him to validate her feelings.

6. She Needs REASSURANCE and He Needs ENCOURAGEMENT

When a man repeatedly shows that he cares, understands, respects, validates, and is devoted to his partner, her primary need to be reassured is fulfilled. A reassuring attitude tells a woman that she is continually loved.

A man commonly makes the mistake of thinking that once he has met all of a woman's primary love needs, and she feels happy and secure, that she should know from then on that she is loved. This is not the case. To fulfill her sixth primary love need he must remember to reassure her again and again.

Similarly, a man primarily needs to be encouraged by a woman. A woman's encouraging attitude gives hope and courage to a man by expressing confidence in his abilities and character. When a woman's attitude expresses trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration and approval , it encourages a man to be that he can be. Feeling encouraged motivates him to give her the loving reassurance that she needs.

The best comes out in a man when his six primary love needs are fulfilled. But when a woman doesn't know what he primarily needs and gives a caring love rather than a trusting love, she may unknowingly sabotage their relationship.

20 Principles of life

From Tengku Kyra

I am under the impression that most people do not allow these simple principles into their lives. I know that until recently, I didn't either. I think it's very important to shed some light on 20 permits that you need to allow in your life. Let go of the idea that you're being selfish. Think of it as being self-ish! Many of these permits are familiar, but being an adult and the responsibilities that go along with that move in and take over our common sense! Take a few minutes to go through this list. How many of these do you give yourself permission for on a regular basis? Take away your inner critic's power! Give yourself permission to:

1. Let go of "obligations." If you don't absolutely love it, consider letting it go!

2. Say no! Every yes you say to something, is a no you are saying to your family.

3. Change your mind. Circumstances change, so do moods, feelings, impressions, ideas and people!

4. Reassess your goals, passions and dreams. As you change, so should your plan.

5. Questions others. You have every right to make up your own mind and not just follow along, especially if it doesn't feel right for you.

6. Have your own opinion. Don't let others dissuade you or bully you! You are allowed to think whatever you want, and so are they.

7. Take time off. Honestly, the world will not implode because you took a break! Take time to recharge and you'll function at your peak afterwards.

8. Make mistakes. Life would be pretty boring if you were perfect, not to mention how much others would dislike you because they felt inferior!

9. Sleep in. Rest is important, schedule a day where you can sleep in if you want to.

11. Have "me" time. Having at least one thing that is just for you will go a long way to improve your life.

12. Be grateful for what you do have. Getting stuck in a cycle of i'll be happy when ______, keeps you from being happy, ever. Look around and see how wonderful your life is now!

13. Succeed. Sometime you get in your own way! Fear of failure is less of a factor than fear of success in most cases.

14. Dream big! Small dreams keep you safe, and small! So dream big because even if you don't fully succeed, you'll be much farther ahead.

15. Celebrate "small" stuff. This puts in your mind how grateful you are for what is in your life. Success is success, not matter how small! Treat it with the respect it deserves.

16. Feel really good about yourself. It's not bragging or boasting or being arrogant to be proud of who you are.

17. Feel emotions (even negative ones like fear and anger). To ignore emotions only gives them more power. Acknowledge them and they'll disappear much quicker.

18. Cry. Again, trying not to only makes it worse! Crying is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of being sympathetic and caring, not to mention a release.

19. Forgive. "Holding anger and resentment towards another is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill your enemy." Forgiveness is for you, not the other person.

20. Reward yourself. When you reach a milestone, reward yourself. While creating your plan, decide how you're going to reward yourself once each big goal has been reached.

Keys to a lasting marriage

Living happily ever after needn't only be for fairy tales. Australian researchers have identified what it takes to keep a couple together, and it's a lot more than just being in love.

A couple's age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last, according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.

The study, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.

It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.

Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.

A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.

Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage.

Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband -- not the wife -- was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only nine percent of couples with healthy finances.

And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more likely to have a relationship that ends in failure.

Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.

The study was jointly written by Dr Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr Peng Yu from the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.

- REUTERS

Translating What Men Say Into What Men Mean

He says: "I'll call you."
He means: "I may call you."
This line isn't the slam dunk most women make it out to be. Besides being genuinely interested, there are a slew of reasons why a guy might ask for a number (he needs an ego boost... he wants a quick way to end the conversation... he bet his buddy he could score more digits, etc). The thing to remember here is that if he's into you, he will find a way to call. And, no, emailing, Facebooking or Twittering at him in the meantime isn't going to help your case. Give the guy a chance to pursue you -- if he doesn't, he's not the one for you anyway.

He says: "I like your shirt/necklace/shoes/hair."
He means: "You look good."
He may have an ulterior motive when he compliments you, but that doesn't make the praise any less sincere. The fact is, men are generally terrible at false flattery. Instead of accusing us of feeding you a line (we know we are!), feel good about the fact that we've noticed something about you that's attractive and memorable. Just don't ask us to remember the brand of those cute shoes.

He says: "I've been busy lately."
He means (if you've dated less than six months): "I've lost interest in you."
He means (if you've dated longer than that): "I like you, but I need to focus on other things."
Usually, this is the classic guy blow-off, but there are exceptions. "Don't forget the big picture," cautions Steve Santagati, who offers dating advice at badboysfinishfirst.com. If you've dated for a few months and your guy is usually there for you, don't hit the panic button over his recent short bouts of inattention. "Just because we get distracted by our jobs doesn't mean we don't care anymore," says Santagati.

He says: "I need some space."
He means: "This relationship is moving too fast."
Nobody's thrilled to hear this one, but "I need space" isn't always the kiss of death. Often men get excited about a new relationship and then struggle to turn down the temperature when they're suddenly seeing you six nights a week. First, confirm that he still wants to date. (Any answer besides yes means you should take your toothbrush and get out of there, stat.) Once that's confirmed, revert to early courtship behavior; make him schedule thoughtful dates in order to see you (no 3 A.M. texts). If the spark returns, still insist on a couple of girls-only nights a week for the next several months -- it'll be good for both of you.

He says: "I love spending time with you."
He means: "I love you... I think."
Guys are notoriously hesitant about dropping the L-bomb outright. When your man starts talking about how he loves specific aspects of the relationship, that's probably his way of dipping his toe in those waters. You should feel good about where things stand, even if the three magic words aren't directly uttered. "Guys aren't gifted at translating their feelings fluently to females," Santagati says. "Give a brother a break."

He says: "I don't believe in marriage."
He means: "I'm not going to marry you."
This is one of those maddening statements you simply can't overanalyze. He may truly oppose the institution. He may be immature. He may not care for you deeply enough. In any case, you have a better chance of making out with Brad Pitt than waiting for him to "come around." Either enjoy his company for what it is or move on.

He says: "I want this to last forever."
He means: "I'm really happy right now."
Most things a guy says about the future should be taken with a grain of salt. "When a guy says he likes you, he means he likes you right then and there," Santagati says. That doesn't mean men are unreliable jerks. But it does mean that when it comes to relationship stability, you should look at what your guy is doing instead of focusing on what he's saying. Santagati advises, "You're better off taking an observational stance." Is he physically affectionate? Does he remember things that are important to you? Does he support you when you need it?

- GLAMOUR
www.glamour.com

Reasons to smile

1. Smiling makes us attractive
We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away, but a smile draws them in.

2.Smiling changes our mood
Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

3. Smiling is Contagious
When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.

4. Smiling Relieves Stress
Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take action.

5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System
Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. revent the flu and colds by smiling.

6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure
When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?

7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.

8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger
The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don't go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day!you'll look younger and feel better.

9. Smiling Makes You Seem Successful
Smiling people appear more confident, are more likely to be promoted, and more likely to be approached. Put on a smile at meetings and appointments and people will react to you differently.

10. Smiling Helps You Stay Positive
Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It's hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that "Life is Good!" Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling.

Fretting over single parent issues

By DINA ZAMAN

MOTHER’S DAY is around the corner, and in June it’ll be Father’s Day. While we will appreciate the day with our parents and families, I do think we should also ap­­plaud a special kind of parent: the Single Parent.

There are many reasons for single parenthood: things just don’t work out, the death of a spouse, a divorce or an errant husband/wife who’s gone missing.

Life as a single parent can be fulfilling and yet challenging. I’m not one, but many of my friends are, and the dynamics of our friendships and relationships are different.

Nothing to complain about – if anything, I salute my single mum and dad friends, because I do not think I would have that strength, humour and courage – and yes, the sensibilities – to be one.

And I have learned one thing about children. They are very resilient.

If meeting up with friends before meant a bunch of single men and women enjoying a night out, or a bunch of friends and their partners having a private dinner in a nice restaurant, these days meeting up means children will be part of the group.

My single parent friends are always apologetic: “The maid’s gone, may I bring ... if it’s not too much trouble?”

As someone who has hosted friends’ pets in her home (don’t ask, long story), having my friends’ children over is a treat.

“You don’t have Astro, Aunty Dina?”

“I don’t watch TV.”

“Your house has no lift, Aunty Dina!”

“I’m poor.”

“Aunty Dina! What kind of apartment is this! No DVD, no Astro, no lift!”

You can’t swear or make sexual innuendoes as children pick up these things fast. (“Eee, Mummy, Uncle said that word! Hahaha!”)

And you learn one thing too: being a single parent can be the best job in the world but also frustrating. Having to deal with a former spouse’s new wife/husband. Fighting over alimony. Messed-up schedules that keep clashing with holidays and work. Still wanting to kill the ex-husband/wife. Two screaming kids wanting toys but not being able to afford it.

While the single mothers have their share of woes, the single father friends I have will encounter, and fret over, such stressful situations as shopping ... for young women’s undergarments.

Text messages asking us girls: “Er, does standing in front of the ladies’ lingerie department while the daughter, er, tries on stuff make me look like a dirty old man?”

Or: “Aaaaaaaaa, Dina, I am confused! Why can’t bras just come in Small, Medium and Large?!”

I don’t even ask how they deal with menstruation or sanitary pads.

Dating single parents or dating for single parents can be ... also interesting. It’s a conundrum that can give anyone a migraine. Even a one hour coffee catch-up can be stressful.

Who’s going to look after my child? Will the date accept me as a single dad/mum?

Yes, even men go through all this hysteria. Even in this day and age, there are parents who want their sons and daughters to date and marry singletons without baggage.

The stigma of being a single parent is worse for women. Sometimes dating one can spring a surprise. Thinking it’ll be a lovely dinner and get-to-know-you-session, you may find a seven-year-old staring curiously at you.

The kid has come on the date. What do you do? You can’t do anything. This is it: you date a single dad, you have to accommodate.

Single parents looking to settling down again can be rabid, too. I’ve been on a date or two and barely survived the interrogation.

Will you make a good mother?

I don’t know, I’ve never been a mother. I’ve had cats though. Does that count?

If things work out between us, can you be a stepmother to my five children?

Aiyo, you got so many ah?

It’s just a first date. Can’t one just have dinner first?

The professional who is a single parent is a walk in the park compared with those who come from underprivileged backgrounds. The drug addict father whose wife has died. The poor single mother with eight children and not a job in sight. The widowed father who has to cope with a failing business and wild children.

Money does help, and when you don’t have it, you get desperate and feel hopeless.

Having met them in the course of duty, I can only wonder how they keep a family and themselves together. Poverty adds to the stigma of single parenthood.

Happy Parents’ Day, my friends. And of course your children. Pat yourselves on the back because you truly deserve it.

Here’s to more cupcakes, soapsuds, tears and laughter. And lastly, may good love come to you. The gang craves for a wedding or two.

Dating Advice: 5 Traits That Bag a Boyfriend

Here are the qualities that make you more desirable to guys. Think of it as your pre-dating to-do list.

1. You're just that into yourself. A woman may have smarts, sensual appeal, and a sense of humor, but if she doesn't have self-confidence, most guys will take a pass. Single women with low self-esteem come across as extremely needy, explains Jim Houran, PhD, relationship psychologist. They have to be the center of attention and are constantly looking for reassurance and compliments. And even if you find a guy who at first is willing to be your personal cheerleader, before long he's probably going to start to agree with all the demeaning stuff you say about yourself and take a hike.

Surprisingly, the way to show you aren't that girl isn't necessarily to promote yourself, but rather to simply display interest and curiosity in the guy, says Houran. He'll take that willingness to share the spotlight and put someone besides yourself first as a sign of confidence.

2. You've got a burning passion... and not just for him. Whether it's a hobby, a job, classes, or a buzzing social life, single men are undeniably attracted to women with clear interests and lots of enthusiasm, according to Houran. It's as easy as dropping a few subtle hints about, say, the adventure you and your friends went on last weekend or how psyched you are to be on a new project at work. The benefits are twofold: The guy won't feel totally responsible for your happiness -- a huge weight to put on a new love interest -- and he'll be more inclined to want to be a part of your multifaceted life.

3. You know how to compromise. This is one of the most important skills to have if you're looking to get into a long-term relationship, emphasizes Houran.
Being flexible is a huge turn-on to guys, since it means less conflict and a smoother partnership in general, he adds. If a guy senses that the girl he's dating isn't willing to try to meet both their needs, he envisions a future of trivial disagreements, fighting, and ultimatums -- not exactly the makings of a happy twosome. Prove you know how to compromise early on by letting him weigh in on the restaurant choice or not acting annoyed if he needs to reschedule plans.

4. You dress for guys, not girls. If you're not turning heads, it could be because you dress to appeal to a woman's taste and not a man's taste. Skinny jeans, babydoll dresses, peasant tops -- all super cute, but you might as well be wearing a Snuggie. Men want to see curves, so stick with boot-cut jeans and a top that shows off your shoulders and waist. Just don't reveal too much, since that can come off as desperate.

5. You're over your ex. Nothing kills a budding romance quicker than being hung up on an old boyfriend. So before you get serious with a new guy, make sure you're not hoping -- or worse, trying -- to get back together with the ex or looking for someone just like him. It's relationship-repelling for two reasons: No eligible bachelor wants to feel like he's in an unwinnable competition, and if you're living in the past, you won't truly be motivated to meet and make a connection with new guys. So ladies, move on and get an upgrade.

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

Stupidity in numbers

By A.ASOHAN

Individuals may be idealistic, smart and articulate – until they join a group.

The late grandmaster Isaac Asimov bequeathed two great legacies to the world of science fiction: His three laws of robotics, and his fictional take on the science of “psychohistory”.

In the mundane world, psychohistory is the study of historical events using psychological motivation as its lens. In Asimov’s version, it is a predictive science that uses a combination of psychology and sociology, with a mathematical underpinning using the laws of statistics.

In simpler terms, Asimov posited that you could predict what was going to happen to a society using mathematical formulae. In his Foundation series, the psychohistory pioneer Hari Seldon, with his calculations and foresight, guided the fate and future of an entire galactic civilisation through a few millennia using this tool.

Asimov used gas and the kinetic theory of physics as an analogy – it’s extremely difficult to predict the movement, actions and reactions of a single molecule of gas, yet we can analyse the entirety with a high degree of accuracy.

Sociology, psychohistory – all sciences devoted to studying groups – are all predicated on the belief that while individuals are impossible to pin down, they’re very shallow and easily manipulated when you put enough of them together.

That single devotee of any religion may strive to be forgiving, caring and compassionate. A group of them, however, sees nothing wrong in killing non-believers despite their religion’s teachings to the contrary. Adherents of the faith may be tolerant and accepting; institutions are rarely so. Devotees can find strength in themselves and in their divinity; organisations are usually scared and insecure.

Individual Thais are among the gentlest, warmest, and most gracious people you could ever meet; groups of them were throwing petrol bombs at each other in the capital of Bangkok earlier this week.

While some may truly understand the issues involved – their right to their own government, among others – the rest are just being manoeuvred by media-savvy politicians who know which buttons to push.

Most individual Americans I’ve met have high ethical standards, yet as a society they re-elected a president whose administration saw nothing wrong in invading another land under false pretences, or torturing civilian suspects by just labelling them enemy combatants, or trampling upon civic liberties – in fact, in destroying just about everything the United States stands for.

I have no doubt that many who took part in the illegal assembly organised by the outlawed Hindu Rights Action Force in November of 2007 were genuinely concerned about the marginalisation of an entire cross-section of Malaysian society, and how their plight has been neglected for so many decades.

Yet, going by many photographs on the Internet, some held placards of Mahatma Gandhi in one hand while pelting coppers with stones with the other.

Again, individuals may have been cognisant of the Mahatma’s non-violent non-cooperation model of civil disobedience in India’s struggle for independence, but too many in that group just saw an icon that could be manipulated for emotive oomph.

What an injustice to a great leader. Sure, we can’t expect everyone to have read the dozens of biographies on the Mahatma, but perhaps a required screening of Richard Attenborough’s 1982 multiple award-winning Gandhi may have been in order. Who could not be moved by the scene of the salt march, when demonstrators lined up to be savagely beaten by British troops, all without lifting a single finger in retaliation?

In the movie, the American journalist Walker (Martin Sheen) calls in his story over the telephone, his voice taut and broken with emotion: “They walked, with heads up, without music, or cheering, or any hope of escape from injury or death.

“It went on and on and on. Women carried the wounded bodies from the ditch until they dropped from exhaustion. But still it went on.

“Whatever moral ascendance the West held was lost today. India is free ... for she has taken all that steel and cruelty can give, and she has neither cringed nor retreated.”

Then we come to our local politicians (you knew we would come to this sooner or later, didn’t you?). How many times have we seen a young, charismatic and idealistic young person full of promise join a political party and suddenly become – there’s no other word for it – stupid?

Sure, I know all about playing to the gallery and toeing the party line. I accept none of it as an excuse.

Man is a social animal, true. We need our families, clans, tribes, communities, societies, condominium management committees, and autonomous collectives (despite the violence inherent in the system, as those chaps in Monty Python would tell you).

One’s a person, two’s company, three’s a crowd, four has a certain symmetry, and anything above is a mob. And as the Greek philosopher Diogenes said, the mob is the mother of tyrants.

He was being kind. John Dryden, the 17th century English poet and playwright, said it even better: “A mob is the scum that rises upmost when the nation boils.”

So what can I say? Being in a group is nice, but maintain your individuality. After all, it is what makes you, well, you.

- THE STAR

8 Steps to Problem Solving

By BRIAN TRACY

There is a simple eight step method for systematic problem solving. By solving problems in an orderly way, you can dramatically increase the power of your thinking.

Proceed With A Positive Attitude
First, approach the problem with the expectant attitude that there is a logical practical solution just waiting to be found. Be relaxed, calm, confident and clear in your mind.

Second, change your language from negative to positive. Instead of the word "problem," use the word "situation." Problem is a negative word while situation is a neutral word. "We have an interesting situation", is better than, "We have a problem."

Define the Situation Clearly
The third step in systematic problem-solving is to define the situation clearly, in writing. "Exactly what is the situation?" Then ask, "What else is the situation?" Sometimes stating the problem in different words makes it much easier to solve.

Once, when I was working with the Chamber of Commerce, I came to the attention of a senior executive who hired me away from the company I was working for a year later at triple the salary. Meeting people is very important. Network at every opportunity.

Fully 50% of situations can be resolved by accurate definition.

Identify Causes and Solutions
Step number four is to, ask "What are all the possible causes of this situation?" Failure to identify the causes or reasons for the situation often causes you to have to solve it again and again. Fully 25% or more of situations can be effectively dealt with by discovering the correct causes.

Step number five is to ask, "What are all the possible solutions?" Write out as many solutions or answers to the situation as possible before moving on. The quantity of possible solutions usually determines the quality of the solution chosen.

Clear Decisions Are Key
Step number six is to "Make a clear decision." Usually any decision is better than none.

Step number seven is to "Assign clear responsibility for carrying out the decision and then set a deadline for completion and review." Remember, a decision without a deadline is just a fruitless discussion.

Finally, step number eight is to follow-up, monitor the decision, compare actual results with expected results and then generate new solutions and new courses of action.

Action Exercises
Now, here are two ways you can apply this technique to think more creatively.

First, state the problem clearly, in writing, so that you know exactly what it is that you are trying to solve. Ask, "What else is the problem?"

Second, develop as many solutions as you possibly can, including doing nothing, before you make a decision. Quality of ideas is in direct proportion to the quantity that you generate.

When love hurts

By DR NOR ASHIKIN MOKHTAR

The problem of painful sexual intercourse should be addressed sooner rather than later.

Every now and then, a patient will walk into my clinic with a “difficult” issue. At first, she will be quite reluctant to talk about it, but as I probe further, she will eventually reveal that she has been experiencing problems with her spouse due to painful sexual intercourse.

Pain during intercourse is also known as dyspareunia. For many women, it is not easy to talk openly about this problem as sex is not often discussed publicly in our culture. Not only is it a very personal issue, it also relates to a woman’s self-esteem and confidence in her relationship with her partner.

However, pain during intercourse should not be swept under the carpet, as the physical pain will not go away and it will lead to emotional and relationship problems further down the road.

Don’t lie back and accept it

The first step to addressing the problem is accepting that the problem exists. Painful sex is a complex issue and isn’t the same for everyone.

Some women may experience some discomfort occasionally, while others experience pain, or what they classify as pain. Some women feel pain during penetration, but others may even experience pain with sexual touching.

Painful intercourse is not a straightforward condition with black-and-white causes and symptoms. Therefore, to address it, you have to be open with yourself, your partner and your doctor, in order to figure out what causes it and how to overcome it.

Ask yourself: When did sex start to hurt (has it always hurt)? When does the pain begin (is it as you’re getting excited, only during penetration, related to orgasm)? Where do you feel the pain (is it in one specific area, or more general)? Are there still things you can do sexually that don’t cause pain?

Your doctor will be able to help you think about the possible physical or psychological causes of painful sex.

Physical causes of painful sex

The most common physical cause of painful intercourse is vaginal dryness, caused by lack of lubrication. There are all sorts of reasons why women experience vaginal dryness, but using a personal lubricant can be an easy and effective way to treat this problem and eliminate a major cause of painful sex.

It also helps to relax during intercourse and increase the amount of foreplay.

There are also a myriad of conditions that can result in painful intercourse:

·Vaginismus – This is a common condition where the vaginal muscles spasm, and it is mainly caused by the fear of being hurt.

·Vaginal infections – Infections like a yeast infection can cause soreness and discomfort during intercourse.

·Problems with the cervix – Any condition or infection affecting the cervix can cause pain during deep penetration (where the penis reaches the cervix).

·Problems with the uterus and ovaries – If there are fibroids or cysts in the uterus or ovaries, pain can arise during deep penetration.

·Endometriosis – This is a painful condition in which the endometrium (tissue lining the uterus) grows outside the uterus.

·Pelvic Inflammatory Disease – In PID, the tissues deep inside become severely inflamed and the pressure of intercourse causes deep pain.

·Ectopic pregnancy – This is a pregnancy where a fertilised egg develops outside of the uterus.

·Menopause – Older women experience vaginal dryness because the vaginal lining can lose its normal moisture when menopause sets in.

·Intercourse too soon after surgery or childbirth – Surgery or childbirth causes trauma to a woman’s body, so she needs time to heal before resuming intercourse again.

·Sexually transmitted diseases – STDs can include genital warts, herpes sores or other infections that cause vaginal pain and soreness.

·Injury to the vulva or vagina – These injuries may include a tear from childbirth or from a cut (episiotomy) in the perenium (area of skin between the vagina and the anus) that is made during labour.

Psychological causes of painful sex

Some causes of painful intercourse are psychological, although this does not mean that you are crazy or that it isn’t real.

Some women (and men) have only had coercive or violent sexual experiences. When your sexual experiences have never been consensual or pleasurable, it isn’t surprising that your body doesn’t learn to enjoy sex (even if you are with a partner whom you like or love).

Part of this is due to the way your mind anticipates pain. If you experienced pain during sex previously (whether due to assault, a physical condition or a wrong position), you will begin to anticipate pain the next time you have sex.

First, you will probably be less tuned into what’s going on in your body, and you may find your arousal is lowered, along with less lubrication.

Anticipation can also make the pain feel more intense because your body may be tense, and this results in more pain.

Overcoming this psychological block requires support and therapy so that you will learn to experience a positive sex life again.

Another psychological factor that leads to painful intercourse is lack of interest in sex. There are times when each of us are not in the mood to have sex, even though our partners are. For women, this can result in painful sex because of low arousal and lack of vaginal lubrication.

Can sex ever be good again?

The most important thing to know is that sex doesn’t have to hurt. Just because you have had painful sexual experiences before, it does not mean that it always has to be this way. Some physical conditions require simple interventions, such as the use of water-based lubricants or prescription medications. Some conditions may require sexual therapy, especially if abuse is involved.

Most importantly, communicate with your partner. It can be difficult to talk about sex, especially when it’s not going well, even for couples who have been together for years. However, ignoring it can sometimes make things worse as it leads to emotional problems and compounds the tension.

Be honest, patient and creative – you will find a way to enjoy sex again without the pain. And being open about your sexual relationship will eventually lead to a better sex life.

- THE STAR

Special occasions on birthday

Here are some interesting birthday activities that can create lasting memories:

Picnics: Picnics outdoors are wonderful for young and active children. Take your friends and relatives to the park for an exploratory walk. You can prepare fact cards for children to use as reference as they check out the floral and fauna.

Painting a plate: You can get your child to paint a plate, bowl or mug on his birthday.

This piece of crockery can be used during family meals. You can talk to your child about what he would like to remember of this birthday in years to come. This practice is extended to all members of the family. Even Dad and Mum can paint their own plate when it is their birthday.

Imagine having a family meal with your grown-up children and their children using birthday crockery which holds loving memories.

Family speeches: I still have fond memories of my father’s family meetings whenever he came home from long working trips. Those were the times when we voiced our grouses, shared our achievements and sought support from our parents. From the youngest to the oldest, we were given an opportunity to express our opinions.

Birthdays are special times when the whole family can share their feelings and thoughts. Have everyone make a positive speech to the birthday boy or girl. Share what you like best about him or her and your favourite memory. This practice can boost your children’s confidence and generate love among family members.

Sharing presents: Children often get too many presents for their birthdays. They can learn to share their presents with those who are not as fortunate as them.

Discuss with your child what he would like to do with his many presents. Family traditions are formed when certain activities and beliefs are continued. You may not realise that you have some family traditions as you carry out the same activity with every birthday. Children like traditions, the good ones only. They can generate a sense of belonging and continuity.

Sleepovers: Having friends over for a sleepover can be fun for children.

Slumber parties should be simple with one or two activities that the guests can do and take away as souvenirs. You can plan a cooking activity or a football game. For primary schoolchildren, sleepovers are a great time to catch up with friends.

Children in schools do not get much time to chat. With a heavy homework load and extracurricular activities, there is hardly any time for children to hang out.

Birthday book/video: Every child should have his or her special scrapbook/journal/photo album. Children enjoy browsing through a collection of anecdotes and holiday photos. This special book will make a delightful present for the birthday child.

If you have a handycam, you can document your child’s daily activities along with interviews of people he loves sharing their birthday wishes. When parents work at keeping positive family rituals and activities, they lay a foundation for their children to be rooted in goodness and faith. There’s more to life than just academic achievements and material comfort.

Time spent with children will help them gain confidence. They will develop into individuals who will be able to contribute to society.

- THE STAR

10 thing guys hate about girls

1 - Stop asking us to call you every damm day. We have a life too. It doesn't ONLY revolve around you.

In other words, give us some space. This doen't apply if you're clad in skimpy lingerie.


2 - Stop taking hours to get ready for a date. It's no fun waiting like an idiot

Just wear the FIRST OUTFIT you choose. We don't care! It's going to come off sooner or leter.

3 - Leave the smoking to us. I't a gay thing.

Don't ask us why. Most of us prefer girls who don't light up.

4 - Playing us out is jmust plain mean. We don't enjoy paying for every dammthing if you're no interested.

We have feelings too. If you're not ibterested, just say it!!

5 - Not every meal has to be in classy, posh places. Cut us some slack. We don't print money.

Most ot us students can't afford taking you on fine-dining every day of the week. One or twice a month is ok. So stop being harsh on us.

6 - When you make us go from shop to shop 4 hours and end up baying theshirt from the FIRST shop, we hate it.

We understand what you want good bargains. Think of our feeling andabused FEET. Imagine if we took you DOTA-ing for 5 hours stainght. (Now you feel us?)

7 - PMS is no excuse to be mean.

Screaming at us and freaking out on us just isn't right. Just deal the best you can by taking care of yourself. We can only do so much.

8 -Talking about your "big" butt is so boring.

Guys hate to listen to a girl's insecurities about her body. Put it this way,we find the National Geographic channel more interesting.

9 -Show some skin. There's nothing wrong with looking hot. Being plain is so last season.

I't not flattering being drab and you can't blame us for checking out other hotter chicks.

10 -There's nothing wrong with girls making the first move. Heck, we find itflattering.

If you like us, make a move. It shows how confident you are and howkeen you are on us. We like that.

Who Is 'The Someone' Who Loves You?

1. Someone who sees the best in you.

If you were lucky enough to grow up with healthy parents, you have experienced the feeling of having someone who has always looked at your good qualities. Many of us missed that experience. You will be a lucky person if you have found a mate who is always looking at your 'silver lining'. Too often today people are more than willing to judge you by your errors, not by your potential.

2. Someone who gives you the benefit of the doubt.

There are so many times in your life when you need that little edge, that little opportunity to take just that extra step. It can seem as if your efforts are going nowhere and although you want to keep moving forward, there are so many negatives staring you in the face. That person who knows things could go either way for you but takes that leap to believe you will make it is the person who is more valuable to you than gold.

3. Someone who watches over you.

You need a guardian angel who is there, waiting to catch you if you fall, ready to help you when you stumble, ready to pave the way for you when you cannot get moving. There are people who love you who do just that. There are people who do not make a big deal out of saving your bacon. Do you know who they are?

4. Someone to watch you back.

You never know these days who is waiting to catch you off guard, to make sure you don't do well, to sabotage your efforts. You like to think that people will rejoice when you do well. Many don't. If someone 'has your back' and runs interference for you when you are trying to run the gauntlet through life, give that person a big 'thanks' plus lots of your attention.

5. The person who tells you we all make mistakes.

You hate to be around that judgmental, harsh person who reminds you, 'I told you so', when things go south. You don't need anyone else telling you what you already know. On the other hand there are people who just let you know that the only way any of us learn is through experience. When you have really ended up in the dumper and blew it, stay close to the one who knows that the person who hasn't done anything wrong hasn't done anything much.

6. The person who gives you advice from the heart, not from the head.

When the situation gets rough and some big decisions need to be made, it's fine to have people outline the pros and cons of a problem and give you 'head' answers. But if you need a nudge sometimes to tip the scales, you always listen to this person who knows you must do what will let you live with yourself and have self respect.

7. The person who won't be the 'yes man' who agrees with you

No one who loves you is going to give you the green light and tell you to let er rip if it's clearly going to be bad for you. It's sad that often you surround yourself with people who tell you what you want to hear. The one who loves you will tell you to get help for a drinking or drugging problem, to stop the extramarital affair, and to be a good and decent person.

8. Someone who tells you to knock back, smell the roses, and enjoy life part of the time.

If you are a person who is a real performer and doer, there are likely to be people around you who enjoy the fruits of your labor and want you to do even more. Sometimes you may even see yourself as only valuable when you are giving, doing, and performing. Listen to the person who tells you that life is short and you need breaks and some R&R. That is the person who is looking out for you and your health.

9. The one who smiles at you and means it.

The person who loves you looks at you with eyes that smile and mean it. Too many people give you that slick smile, that quick pat on the back, and then forget that you even exist.

The eyes are the windows of our soul and you can read into a person's smile if it is saying, 'You are a fine person and I want to be with you as long as possible'. Don't fall for any phony smile that attracts you off in another direction, only to leave you stranded and alone.

10. Someone who sees you as beautiful, inside and out.

You know you aren't perfect. There are only too many examples of you looking around and thinking that you have flaws and aren't like the people on television. The person who loves you sees you through eyes of acceptance with no conditions. As you gain a few pounds and your hair gets thin, the person who sees you as attractive, inviting, and appealing is the person who loves you all the way, no strings or demands.

Nowadays, it's really important to know who loves you. Everything in our society is throw away, and many people have carried that over into the most important relationships in their lives. Think hard and look carefully. People who love you, like comfortable clothes, are easy on the heart, mind, and soul.

Your Yearly Dementia Test

It's that time of year to take the annual test.

Below is a way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. (use it or lose it?)

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast,' give up now and do something else.

Try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water.

If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.

Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat.

Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World.

However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.

If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these
If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.

4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land'?

Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop.

If you said, 'You don't bury survivors', proceed to the next question.

5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.
What was the name of the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you.

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

How To Be A Good Friend?

1. Be real. Are you trying to be friends with someone to be accepted into a certain clique, or because you'd like to get to know someone else that he or she knows? That's not friendship, it's opportunism. Every new person you meet has the right to be accepted (or not) on his or her own merits, it's better to just be yourself than let anyone else influence you into being someone you are not.

2. Be honest. A dishonest person has no chance of having true friends. Keep your promises, do what you say you are going to do, and most importantly, don't lie! Lying leads to more lies, and people will eventually figure you out. If you found yourself lying about something, be honest - go up to them, tell them the truth and how you felt, as well as how you may think they would've felt (explain that you were second-guessing rather than trusting your friendship). Don't be a coward; if you know you were at fault for the whole dilemma, own up. Simply talk about it, hope your friend will forgive you. They'd most likely appreciate it in the future, to look back and say, 'wow!' I have/had an amazing friend by my side.

3. Be loyal. If your friend tells you something in confidence, don't blab about it to anyone else. Don't talk about your friend behind his/her back. Nobody likes a backstabber. Never say anything about your friend that you would not want to repeat face to face. Don't let others say bad things about your friend until you've had a chance to hear your friend's side of the story. If someone says something that shocks you and doesn't seem like a thing your friend would do or say, tell them, "I know him/her, and that just doesn't sound right. Let me talk to him/her, find out his/her perspective on this. If it turns out to be true, I'll let you know. Otherwise, I would appreciate it if you didn't spread that around, because it might not be." You can't play both sides of the fence.

4. Be respectful. Know the boundaries. Things you and your friend discuss should be treated with care - your friend is not sharing this information with just anyone, and may not want to. She shared it with you - and only you, as far as you know. Example: If your friend doesn't want to name her crush, don't push her into it. If she has named her crush, don't tell anyone else. This is just common courtesy anyone and everyone deserves the expectation that you will keep confidences.

5. Watch out for your friend. If you sense that s/he is getting drunk at a party, help him or her to get away from the alcohol. Don't allow your friend to drive drunk - take his or her keys and/or drive your friend home personally. If your friend begins talking about running away or committing suicide, tell someone about it. This rule overrides the "respect privacy" step, because even if your friend begs you not to tell anyone, you should do it anyway. Suggest a help line or professional to your friend. Talk to your and your friend's parents or spouse first (unless they are the ones causing the problems) before involving anyone else.

6. Pitch in for friends during times of crisis. If your friend has to go to the hospital, you could help pack his or her bags; if her/his dog runs away, help to find it, if he/she needs someone to pick him/her up, be there. Take notes for your friend in school and give them their homework assignments when they're absent and sick at home. Send cards and care packages. If there is a death in his/her family, you might want to attend the funeral or cook dinner for them. Care about your friend enough to help him or her open up and let tears roll. Give them a tissue and listen. You don't have to say anything, just be with them.

7. If your friend is going through a crisis, don't tell them everything is going to be all right if it's not going to be. This goes right along with keeping it real. It's hard not to say this sometimes, but false reassurance can often be worse than none, and it may undermine your friend's ability to get through the crisis as well as they might. Instead, tell your friend that whatever they need, you are there for them. If they need to talk, talk; if they need to sit quietly, sit with them; if they need to get their mind off things, take them to a movie or concert. Give them a hug. You are friends, not strangers, after all. Just stay honest, but upbeat and positive. Even a stranger would most probably appreciate it.

8. Give advice, add perspective. Don't judge your friend, but do advise to stay out of situations where they may harm themselves or others. Tell him/her how you perceive his/her situation, and what you might do in the same circumstances. Don't be offended if they listen to your advice and then decide to ignore it. Your friend must make his or her own decisions. Avoid saying "You should... ".

9. Give your friend space. Understand if he/she wants to be alone or hang out with other people. Allow it to happen. There's no need to become clingy or needy. Allowing one another the time to hang with other friends gives you much-needed breathing room, and allows you to come together fresh and appreciating each other even more.

10. Never make a promise you know you can't keep. Good friendship is based on trust - if you break a friend's trust, the friendship may be very hard to salvage. Of course, if you have made a promise and planned to keep it, but circumstances beyond your control conspire to prevent it, let your friend know as soon as you find out. Don't wait until 15 minutes after you were supposed to arrive to call and say, "gee, I'm sorry." Instead, a quick call to say, "Hey, I know I promised to help you with whatever it is, but my mom is telling me we are going to my aunt's for the weekend, and leaving tomorrow just after school - that means I won't be able to make it. I'm so sorry. Can we reschedule?" That's just honoring the fact that your friend is counting on you, and respecting the fact that, given a little notice, your friend might just be able to get someone else to help with whatever it was - or not, whatever. But at least you won't be hanging your friend out to twist in the wind.

11. Listen to them. you don't have to agree with them - just listen to what they have to say. Make sure they are talking too and you are not just running your mouth. Some people don't really find it interesting listening to someone talk about their feelings 24/7. If you're monopolizing every conversation with your feelings, they aren't getting anything out of the friendship. Invite them to share their hearts with you as often as you share yours with them.

12. Don't be selfish. Grabbing, stealing and begging are big NOs in the rules of friendship. The friend will soon get tired of this and eventually more towards more selfless people who are willing to give what they get.

13. Learn to share. As before, if you have a selfless friend, they will expect something back, even if they don't make it obvious. This does not necessarily mean giving them large expensive presents. This can just mean being there for them when they need you.

14. Don't abuse their generosity or "wear out your welcome" If your friend does something nice for you, then reciprocate. Money doesn't have to be an issue. Don't use your friends! Don't let them pay every time you go out, even if they offer. Don't help yourself to things at their house without asking, unless you are willing and they do the same at your house. No one wants to be friends with a moocher or feel used. If you borrow something from a friend, take good care of it and then return it without being asked. Also, if you end the friendship then you should return any gifts they bought for you, especially if they gave you any gifts under false pretences. It's proper etiquette.

15. Live by the golden rule. Always treat a friend as you would want to be treated. If you don't there will be repercussions. Don't do or say anything to them that you wouldn't want done to you. Be there for them through thick and thin as long as they are a TRUE friend to you. Also learn to forgive, and apologize. Dont be a brat!

Is It True...Malaysians Are Rude??

Since news of Reader's Digest findings of Kuala Lumpur as the third rudest city in the world, much has been written to counter the claim, ranging from utter rubbish to four-letter words. Most writings defend Malaysians as being polite and courteous, and to quote one opinion: `What do these foreigners know about us?'

Indeed, one can find rude people everywhere.

My travels have taken me to quite a number of cities around the world and to rank a particular city or country as ruder or more courteous than another is nothing more than being obsessed with slipshod surveys, equivalent to the degree of the popularity of George W Bush among the American people. Take New York for example. Go shopping and see for yourselves. Some sales people will look you up and down and send you a clear message that the store is not meant to serve you. Even the way they say `Can I help you?' is hardly welcoming. They expect you to buy something the moment you step into the store.

In Hong Kong, they will look at you and insult you in Mandarin or whatever dialect it is that they speak if you ask too many questions. On Bond Street, London, some high-end shops remain locked until they have a good look at you. And if you drop a one-pound coin in the cab and start looking for it, the cab driver will say, `Looking for diamonds, eh?'

In Rome, taxi drivers will stop in the middle of the road and scream at each other with the passengers still in the car! And in Paris, if you ask the tram driver for directions in English, he will just ignore you. But if you speak in Bahasa Malaysia, he will answer you in English! If one is in Los Angeles and calls an airline operator for some information, better be ready for some surprises in her answers.

The fact remains that there are rude people all over the world, Malaysia included.

To say we are all polite and courteous is stretching our imagination a bit too far. Let's start with the motorists on our roads. How often does one encounter a motorist who just cuts in into a long queue without regards for those who have been there for a long time? And if someone reminds him of his rude behaviour, they would probably get a clenched fist or be shown the middle finger in response. There have even been cases of road bullies and killings over an accident and, of course, deaths due to reckless driving and disrespect for road safety and other peoples' well- being. Year after year, road-safety campaigns end up with more deaths and accidents for one simple reason: there are simply too many rude drivers on the road. Speed limits at the back of buses and trucks do not mean a thing, and in some places like Klang, schoolchildren have been run over by these trucks!
If one takes a look at public property such as public phones, toilets, parks, beaches and picnic spots, then one can see how rude Malaysians can be. There is hardly a public phone that is in order, or you really have to be desperate to use a public toilet. The beautiful beaches, like Port Dickson, are no longer beautiful. They are filled with garbage thrown all over the place.

Nurture your child

Children thrive on love, so shower them with plenty of affection and attention.

One four-year-old boy told his father: “I like sitting with you.” His father had been away working for months. The boy was beaming with joy as he sat next to the person he loves.

Children yearn for their parents’ attention. They thrive on their parents’ love. Parents provide for their children’s physical needs. Sometimes they even over-indulge their children with luxuries. They buy them gifts to make up for lost time. But do they actually communicate their love for their children?

Many tell their children that they love them. What they say does not mean much to their children if they hardly know what is going on in their children’s lives.

What children want is for their parents to acknowledge them as they grow and learn. A simple nod or a smile suffices when they come running with their new painting.

As children grow older, they explore various ways of doing things. They want their parents to take a stand with them when they are trying to do the right thing. It is those special moments when your children least expect you to act in a certain way, that makes them feel that you love them unconditionally.

Children know when they have done something wrong. They know they will be punished for it. But when you pay attention to what is really important, you may want to surprise your child with an understanding and loving heart.

You can say: “What you have done is wrong. I am very angry that you did not obey my words. I know you expect me to punish you. But this time, I choose to turn something negative into something positive. Let’s find a way together for you to learn this lesson well and not repeat it.”

I am not suggesting that parents let children off the hook everytime they do something wrong. They will have to face the consequences of their misbehaviour or wrongdoing. You have to deal with it in an appropriate manner. Children will come to accept and learn their lessons when they know that their parents still love them even though they discipline them. They learn a great deal from their interactions with the significant adults in their lives.

If they hear more positive words from their parents instead of negative ones, they will surely be on the right track in their behaviour.

Here are some ways to create cherished moments with your child:

Spend time together

The younger your child is, the more time he needs from you. If your child is still a baby, he needs you there as much as possible. Personally, you may take five minutes to shower and get ready. But your baby needs you to spend at least 20 minutes to help him get ready for his bath.

Talk him through the process of undressing and preparing for bath time. This is effective bonding time for parent and child.

Sing along with your child

It does not matter that your singing is worse than some of the contestants in the American Idol show. You can rewrite some of the lyrics of your favourite songs with your child. It adds that extra bit of fun for your child when you put his or her name in the song.

Have fun with ‘feel-your-way art’

Be yourself when you draw or paint with your child. Tell your child to look at the object that he is drawing, not at his paper. Your child can use a pencil to draw the outline. This method of “feeling with the mind’s fingers” when your child draws, casting away all consciousness, can be quite fun. Everyone in the family can join in too.

Engage in water play

Even adults have endless fun playing with water. Washing the car with a pail and large sponge can provide one of those great parent-child moments. Children also like to play in the rain. Both parent and child can go out in their raincoats and play in the rain.

Learn from role-playing

Role-playing can teach children many things that parents find hard to talk about. Children love wearing adult clothes and pretending to be fathers and mothers. Sometimes in role-playing, parents can see reflections of themselves in their children.

From there, they can learn whether they are setting the right example for their children.

One child told his father who was reading the newspaper in the same room with him: “You are not listening to me.” The father behind the newspaper mumbled: “Of course, I am.” Children know their parents care for them when they give their full attention.

25 Actions To Say ‘I Love You’

1. Place notes in your lover’s lunch telling him how much you love him.

2. Page you sweetheart with an I Love You page.

3. Give her a soft kiss.

4. Make everyday things special.

5. Give your love a little note or sending him an e-mail with a poem in it.

6. Listen to her every word.

7. Making a list of everything you love about them. No matter how stupid.

8. Spend quality time with the one you love.

9. Have flowers delivered with a note attached saying simply, “I love you.”

10. Give unexpected hugs and kisses in unexpected places.

11. Cook them their favorite meal.

12. Hold each other when you fall asleep.

13. Just be together.

14. Give your love a long hard kiss on the lips, followed by a gift.

15. Sending romantic postcards on a daily basis.

16. Get off work early and surprise your sweetheart with a dozen roses and dinner, just because.

17. Spend all week thinking of something special for the weekend and then… do it!

18. Give him a loving smile from across the room.

19. Draw or obtain a new romantic picture of two lovers in each others grasp and give it to your love as a reminder of your passion.

20. If you live quite a distance from your love, surprise them with a visit.

21. When she is asleep in the morning, cover her with rose petals and wake her up to an I love you breakfast in bed.

22. Secretly write S-H-M-I-L-Y anywhere your lover will find it. SHMILY= See How Much I Love You.

23. Have a romantic weekend.

24. For a week, smothering your spouse with all the small intimate things they like.

25. Do a simple act of kindness, such as a backrub when he feels sick, to brighten his day.