Dating Advice: 5 Traits That Bag a Boyfriend
Here are the qualities that make you more desirable to guys. Think of it as your pre-dating to-do list.
1. You're just that into yourself. A woman may have smarts, sensual appeal, and a sense of humor, but if she doesn't have self-confidence, most guys will take a pass. Single women with low self-esteem come across as extremely needy, explains Jim Houran, PhD, relationship psychologist. They have to be the center of attention and are constantly looking for reassurance and compliments. And even if you find a guy who at first is willing to be your personal cheerleader, before long he's probably going to start to agree with all the demeaning stuff you say about yourself and take a hike.
Surprisingly, the way to show you aren't that girl isn't necessarily to promote yourself, but rather to simply display interest and curiosity in the guy, says Houran. He'll take that willingness to share the spotlight and put someone besides yourself first as a sign of confidence.
2. You've got a burning passion... and not just for him. Whether it's a hobby, a job, classes, or a buzzing social life, single men are undeniably attracted to women with clear interests and lots of enthusiasm, according to Houran. It's as easy as dropping a few subtle hints about, say, the adventure you and your friends went on last weekend or how psyched you are to be on a new project at work. The benefits are twofold: The guy won't feel totally responsible for your happiness -- a huge weight to put on a new love interest -- and he'll be more inclined to want to be a part of your multifaceted life.
3. You know how to compromise. This is one of the most important skills to have if you're looking to get into a long-term relationship, emphasizes Houran.
Being flexible is a huge turn-on to guys, since it means less conflict and a smoother partnership in general, he adds. If a guy senses that the girl he's dating isn't willing to try to meet both their needs, he envisions a future of trivial disagreements, fighting, and ultimatums -- not exactly the makings of a happy twosome. Prove you know how to compromise early on by letting him weigh in on the restaurant choice or not acting annoyed if he needs to reschedule plans.
4. You dress for guys, not girls. If you're not turning heads, it could be because you dress to appeal to a woman's taste and not a man's taste. Skinny jeans, babydoll dresses, peasant tops -- all super cute, but you might as well be wearing a Snuggie. Men want to see curves, so stick with boot-cut jeans and a top that shows off your shoulders and waist. Just don't reveal too much, since that can come off as desperate.
5. You're over your ex. Nothing kills a budding romance quicker than being hung up on an old boyfriend. So before you get serious with a new guy, make sure you're not hoping -- or worse, trying -- to get back together with the ex or looking for someone just like him. It's relationship-repelling for two reasons: No eligible bachelor wants to feel like he's in an unwinnable competition, and if you're living in the past, you won't truly be motivated to meet and make a connection with new guys. So ladies, move on and get an upgrade.
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
1. You're just that into yourself. A woman may have smarts, sensual appeal, and a sense of humor, but if she doesn't have self-confidence, most guys will take a pass. Single women with low self-esteem come across as extremely needy, explains Jim Houran, PhD, relationship psychologist. They have to be the center of attention and are constantly looking for reassurance and compliments. And even if you find a guy who at first is willing to be your personal cheerleader, before long he's probably going to start to agree with all the demeaning stuff you say about yourself and take a hike.
Surprisingly, the way to show you aren't that girl isn't necessarily to promote yourself, but rather to simply display interest and curiosity in the guy, says Houran. He'll take that willingness to share the spotlight and put someone besides yourself first as a sign of confidence.
2. You've got a burning passion... and not just for him. Whether it's a hobby, a job, classes, or a buzzing social life, single men are undeniably attracted to women with clear interests and lots of enthusiasm, according to Houran. It's as easy as dropping a few subtle hints about, say, the adventure you and your friends went on last weekend or how psyched you are to be on a new project at work. The benefits are twofold: The guy won't feel totally responsible for your happiness -- a huge weight to put on a new love interest -- and he'll be more inclined to want to be a part of your multifaceted life.
3. You know how to compromise. This is one of the most important skills to have if you're looking to get into a long-term relationship, emphasizes Houran.
Being flexible is a huge turn-on to guys, since it means less conflict and a smoother partnership in general, he adds. If a guy senses that the girl he's dating isn't willing to try to meet both their needs, he envisions a future of trivial disagreements, fighting, and ultimatums -- not exactly the makings of a happy twosome. Prove you know how to compromise early on by letting him weigh in on the restaurant choice or not acting annoyed if he needs to reschedule plans.
4. You dress for guys, not girls. If you're not turning heads, it could be because you dress to appeal to a woman's taste and not a man's taste. Skinny jeans, babydoll dresses, peasant tops -- all super cute, but you might as well be wearing a Snuggie. Men want to see curves, so stick with boot-cut jeans and a top that shows off your shoulders and waist. Just don't reveal too much, since that can come off as desperate.
5. You're over your ex. Nothing kills a budding romance quicker than being hung up on an old boyfriend. So before you get serious with a new guy, make sure you're not hoping -- or worse, trying -- to get back together with the ex or looking for someone just like him. It's relationship-repelling for two reasons: No eligible bachelor wants to feel like he's in an unwinnable competition, and if you're living in the past, you won't truly be motivated to meet and make a connection with new guys. So ladies, move on and get an upgrade.
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
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