How To Know If Your Mr Right Isn't Really Mr Right??

Girls, how many times have you been in a relationship with a guy who you thought was the perfect guy... for a while? How many times have you had to picked up the pieces of all your hopes and dreams for the future you were SUPPOSED to have with this person? How many times have you been crushed after working out every single detail, like what your children will look like and wishing they would have his dimples with your nose. Yeah, breaking up can be tough - but it can be tougher still if you actually saw a future with this person. So here are a few tips on how to recognize the frogs before you actually kiss them.




Steps





Know what you're looking for in a guy and a future mate and don't settle because he seems "OK". You don't want a guy who's just "OK," do you? No! You want Mr. Right! Start by making a list of good qualities that you want, differences between you that you can work out, and dealbreakers - the things you just can't live with. It's fine if he likes pizza and you don't, or if you think bowling is loads of excitement and he thinks it's a drag = these are activities you can share with other friends, but they aren't fundamental to the relationship. If he likes long tresses on his women but you favor a cropped, more carefree look, this can probably be worked out. However, if you are a devoted Christian and he is an all out atheist, it probably won't work. Love shouldn't be conditional, and it makes no sense changing who you are for anyone else. Guys can be tricky and if you see particular qualities in them that don't add up with your original plan, GET OUT!! It can only lead to heartbreak in the future. Allow yourself to turn back at the first signs of a shipwreck even if you like this guy a whole lot. It will be better for you in the long run if you can be strong enough very early on to realize that the differences you've already seen will mean the relationship is doomed.



Don't stick around with a guy who is controlling or manipulative . He can say things like, "if you don't tell me then you don't trust me" or "if you don't go with me then you must not love me as much as I love you". This person is officially a walking time bomb - and this is also a pretty good indication that he is immature and not ready for a relationship. Again, love should be unconditional. Your desire to spend a little time out with your girls one night of the month does not mean you "don't love him enough." (and by the way, a guy who uses this phrase is someone you should run from immediately.) Be your own person. "... the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow", said Kahlil Gibran and, he was completely right. You have the right to remain the same complex person you ever were, and if your "Mr. Right" can't appreciate that, then he is not The One.



Beware of a rush to lock into a committed relationship; likewise, beware of being strung along with no commitment. If you met a guy this weekend in a club, and within a month or so, you guys are "together," it is likely to end just as quickly as it began. On the other hand, if you've been "talking" and going out with a guy for half year and he hasn't even brought up getting together officially, it's probably not going to happen. A guy who can't pull it together to call you his girlfriend after half year will probably still not be ready to get married after six years.



Trust yourself. If you're crazy about the guy, but for some reason, your alarm bells tell you he isn't as crazy about you, trust your intuition. Be direct and ask him about his feelings. If he evades or answers with noncommittal nonsense, tell him you are ready to settle down with him and ask if he feels the same way about you. If he can't answer a forthright question like that with something that satisfies you, leave. Get out of these relationships, and fast - it is a woman's instinct that allows her to tell when something is kinda fishy. It doesn't make sense being in a relationship that isn't built on trust.



Communicate. If a guy speaks to you too much about his past relationships and you feel uncomfortable with it, let him know its bothering you. If he continues to talk about his ex, especially if she dumped him, then break it off. Tell him you're interested, but it's become obvious to you that he needs time to think about whether he is really ready to move on.



Don't rush into sex. Dating is the way we decide whether this person is right for us. Women tend to view sex as a very intimate act, while men aren't nearly as warm and fuzzy about it. No matter how gorgeous or perfect he seems to be in the first two to three months, you have to remind yourself that you really haven't had a chance to know him deeply. Wait until you really know this man before you share this very intimate part of yourself with him. If, after a month or two, it turns out that, gorgeous as he is, he's not Mr. Right, it will be much easier to let him go if you haven't been sleeping with him. If he pressures you before you are ready, dump him - you need a mature man who is willing to respect your wishes on this important subject (in the meantime, don't tease him - that's wrong.)



Recognize disrespect as a warning. A man who really loves you will never disrespect you in front of others, especially early in the relationship. While gentle teasing is acceptable, ragging on your flat chest, calling attention to the fact that you've gained a few pounds, or making you the butt of his jokes should be a warning to you. A man in love will not only never disrespect you himself, but he won't stand for others saying rude things to you or about you. If you really want that knight in shining armor, don't accept a vulgar knave who doesn't know how to treat his woman. This extends to his treatment of your friends - if he's calling your bff an "ugly ho" or some other nonsense, that is not respect to you - tell him so, and insist he behave in a respectful manner where you and your loved ones are concerned. And the same goes for you, Miss - don't take advantage of him by making pointed comments about him, either. Verbal abuse is still abuse, and girls can do it to guys just as easily as guys can do it to girls.



Examine his relationship with his mother. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his mom, and his whole family. If he's too attached, he's a mama's boy and you'll have to deal with his mom as long as you're together. If he's dismissive or rude to her, he's going to be that way with you, eventually. If he idolizes her, beware. You will find yourself trying to live up to that goal that was set by his mother, and that is not only stressful, but impossible. It's about finding the perfect medium, a guy who looks after his mother but doesn't worship or depend on her fully - and by fully, that means things like housing, rent money, food money, car and clothes.





Tips





If a guy suddenly stops calling as much as he did and stops fussing over you or wanting to go out, he has lost interest. Don't waste your time crying over spilled milk or trying to reason him back into the feeling the way he once did. Call and let him know you've moved on but most of all be strong and resolute. Show no weakness, you can cry it off later when he can't see or hear.



When you decide to break it off with a guy, be humane and tactful. Even if you think he's a loser, don't tell him that. Say that you aren't ready for a committed relationship, or you don't think it's a good fit. Remember, what you do comes back to you and don't be harsh. You don't have to give a dissertation on it, but giving him some reason is better than just breaking it off without explanation.



Remember it's important to know who you are before you decide to look for Mr. Right. If you find that you're kissing far too many frogs, take a break and spend sometime putting yourself into focus. A breakup is rarely one person's fault, but sometimes it's good to think back on what you did wrong to find out how you can do better in the future.



Everyone out there has a soul mate and there's someone who will love you unconditionally. Be patient and love will come from some unexpected place when you least expect it to.



Remember men and women think differently, and relationships call for compromise. There's an important distinction, however, between compromising on the details of a relationship, like whether to have pizza or Chinese food, and compromising your values and beliefs. Pizza is one thing, your faith, integrity, and values are another.